@ my attic room, behind my pc
♫ Bertolf: Not bringing me down (For Life album)
☼ None to be seen, only rain and more rain
Some times you just sit down and think. Not about anything in particular. Not about anything, really, at all. Just random things that keep your mind occupied and have you staring at the wall for what seem like minutes (but can turn into hours when no one is home to miss you around) and you don't even notice.
I've had some of those moments, well a lot of them, but mostly when I'm home alone. During the last month of 2008 I've been writing a lot about those thoughts in my journal, as I also mentioned in my blog here. I sat down and thought about the things that made me sad in 2008. Things that made me feel depressed and some times nearly made me on my way to the nut house... But I also thought about the positive things that happened. And some times, the negative outweighs the positive and that can make me quite sad. But still I am thankful that there are positive things that made me able to go on and on despite all the negative influences that were affecting me.
At times, I am the one who sits down and can flow away in my thoughs and just sail that flow as it goes. And at other times, I feel the urge to grab that journal of mine again and get writing till my hand tells me it's almost broken beyond repair and it seriously needs a rest.
As you might have read on my old (may it rest in peace Ϯ) blog or maybe even on this one, I do tend to try to get myself in too deep at times. I try too hard to imagine what someone else might feel when something happens. I try too much at times to really understand that person I am focused on then and I can't help it. I even feel shitty when someone I know makes a rude comment to someone else I know and all my alarms go off inside telling me I should really make a comment about that rudeness. Maybe this is all too confusing for you or maybe I am just too clumsy with trying to describing it all... And now I am thinking about it, maybe this is a thing that got me into fights all the time. Maybe I was too sensitive and others who could not comprehend just wanted to deal with that by beating me (see this previous post for a little more info on that). The way I see things when looking at people sometimes even scares me a bit. The better I know the persons face I'm looking at, the more I can see.
For example: when a dear customer at my work looks at me while talking, I can see how he/she is feeling. I even made a comment once to a girl that she looked sadder than ever and she was so surprised that I could even notice. She then told me her grandma was hurried to the hospital the previous evening and she was very worried about her. That girl was a regular customer, she attends a nearby school and I did not even know her name... But when I get to know people better, for example Joyce, she can't tell a lie to me while I'm looking at her. I just see that it isn't right...
As written, maybe I do spend too much time trying to see things from the other sides than my own. That can be seen as a bad thing but I try to see it as something positive, something that makes me who I am. A personality is shaped by it's abilities and well, this one is shaping part of mine.
I know I am rambling a lot and you might think: bugger! Why did I spend my time reading this all? Or maybe you find it interesting or...? Well, I have made comments before about loving to receive comments, so please do not hesitate! I love to read about others views on things (if only to make me think again about things) so if you've read this and have something to share with me on this all: please do so. Thank you!
This may be continued...
Posts
Galactus
11 months ago
4 comments:
Hey sweets!
I know exactly what you were saying about the staring at a wall (for example) while your mind is wandering off. And then when you think only minutes passed by it is actually like half an hour or hours. I also know that sometimes you experience negative things but I always hope there are enough positive things to make those negative things fade away. So I hope that is the same for you..that you have had more positive things lately to fade away the negative ones.
I think there is nothing wrong with thinking about the things you mentioned..like trying to think how someone else experience certain things or think about certain things and even when you look at someone you can see how someone is feeling. I think that is just a part of your personality and a very good one I think. It shows that you are a caring person who understands things easier than others because you have a better capacity of (emotional) experience which makes it easier to understand people. *Hope you at least had an idea of what I was trying to say*
It is never wrong to try think about how another person could/would experience things as long as you realize you never know for sure unless they tell you or that it could be they have another opinion on something about it. (meant that in a general way btw)
I think that it is a good thing when someone tries to think about things like that or try to imagine how a certain experience or thought could be for someone else. You know like try to see it from another one's point of view. And even if you wouldn't see it like someone else does or experience it in another way..at least you tried to. That is a whole lot better than living in your own world and don't care about others and don't even attempt to actually think about how someone else can react or how someone else feels when something happened or was said.
I think trying does half the job already..and if you at least give it a shot to imagine how it could be for someone else..and even if it turns out it is totally different..you can say you did try and that is worth it.
So I guess what I am trying to say is just stay and be the person you are today. That is the person I like and love. You always try and that is what makes it all worth. You are a caring person and easy to be friends with..and yes because you can easily spot things..it just makes it more easy..we only need half a sentence to know what we mean or how we experience things.
Okay well..that was quite some rambling from myself..but I hope I made some sense in what I wrote down.
Steph xxx & hugggs
PS...the part about "easy to be friends with" hope that came out okay.
I didn't mean you are easy..but it is just so easy to be friends with you..because we understand each other so well :) that is what I meant (okayyyy and now I can almost hear you say..no need to explain as you probably totally understood what I was saying lol)
love & hugs
Steph xx
Hey sweets!!!
Thanks for your comments! And you did not ramble at all! I totally love the big comments and you've given my post quite some thought. Thanks again!
I am not easy but I am easy :) Hihi, I understood ya! *hugs Steph*
Glad to see that my rambling did make some sense though *smiles*
i think we all need to take some time now and again to reflect on things and to give ourselves a little perspective on whats happened in the past. At the time it can sometimes seem like an overwhelming and impossible situation but afterwards when we take the time to look back at it we can sometimes see why it happened and understand it better, and hopefully see some good, however small, that came from it, even if it is only that it made us a little stronger than we knew we could be. We all have times in our lives when we face things that we think we can't handle or cope with but somehow we do. So now when i am faced with times like that i think about the times when i have felt like it and tell myself, i got through that, i can get through this too. sometimes it helps.
I think the way you see people and try to empathise with them is a beautiful quality. My only concern would be that in spending so much time always putting yourself in other peoples shoes you don't lose your own shoes.
I'm not sure if that makes sense but i guess what i am trying to say is that it is important to try and see things from the other persons side but its just as important not ignore your own feelings in the process. i hope that makes sense. sometimes i think i confuse things more the more i try and explain them.
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