Hello my dear and humble blog readers,
Here I am again. Today I am writing to you about something that has kept my mind rather occupied. I have been wondering if it's just me who is the outsider, different than "how the saying goes" people... I mean, people always say that it's more important how someone is from the inside than from the outside. That the real beauty lies within. I hope you understand what I mean. And I do know that you should not judge people just by their appearances but still I believe that how someone puts him or herself on this world does matter.
Some examples of what I mean...
If someone dresses in a way that makes you wonder if they're homeless, you'd be less likely to step up to that person for a conversation. Of the same person would dress in a way that is more to your liking, you will be more eager to start a conversation then. It's the clothes that make you in who you are, or so some big clothing franchises want you to believe. I do not agree totally but they do have a point though. The same with piercings and tattoos. Some people immediately avoid other people just because they show a tattoo (or more) and/or piercings. There are others who immediately are interested and start a conversation... The same with make-up, hair styles, facial expressions and total body expressions...
With the work I do, I know I try to "read" people with the way they put themselves in front of you (so clothing and all of the other things mentioned above). It kinda helps me to see if they are chaty people, serious people, happy or grumpy people and so on. To me, the outside is just as important as the inside personality. I could not be interested in someone if their total appearance would not be to my likings. If there were mixed things, so some positive and some negative, I'd be a bit more interested in getting into conversation... When I fell in love with both George and Joyce, it was merely because the way they looked in the beginning, before I really got to know them. The way they were at those times just got me totally 100% interested in getting to know the person him and herself.
And now, some years later, they can stil be more attractive, or less, by the way they put themselves out there. Their clothing, attitude, hairstyle... Even though I still love them and all, I can feel less attracted to them when their "style" does not suit my likings at that moment. It does not mean my love is over, but the healty "appetite" (to give it a name) will be less then. When they wear certain clothes or perfumes or...whatever it is they do at that moment, it can make me filled with lust...
Ah well, I guess you're getting the picture here and now. But now I wonder if it is not "normal" to feel this way. To react to these things in the way that I do. Is this really weird or is it normal but do most people just don't talk (or write) about it? That's what I've been wondering about the past few days. I've been questioning myself and my reactions. And it really made me cranky at times because I thought my feelings were absurd. And then I thought it was normal and then I just lay awake wondering what the f*ck is "normal"... Is there even a "normal" in this matter?
Soooo anywayyyyy....
Please leave me a comment to what your thoughts on this matter are. Or if you know me personally, send me an e-mail instead if you prefer that..
I am just in doubt and it doesn't do me or anyone in my neighbourhood any good... Thanks!
Much luv 'n hugz,
Cynni xxx
Posts
Galactus
11 months ago
3 comments:
your post has me conflicted and if i am honest a little concerned in, i guess, a selfish way.
I can't tell you what is normal and what isn't because we are individuals not cattle, and i dont think there can be a 'normal' when no two people are exactly the same.
Try not to worry about if you are 'normal' or not, your unique just like everyone else.
i've sat here a while tryng to get my thoughts in order but i am too tired to really give this the response it deserves but i will be back tomorrow when i have thought on it a bit more and am not falling asleep while typing.
I have read your blog friday evening (I think) and have been thinking about it for a few days.
I know that a lot of people say that when meeting someone it is important how that person is inside and not how that person looks. I also understand your point of view about it.
I think this is a point that can be different for everyone.
Myself for example know how it can feel to be judged by the way I look and not always about me the person I am inside (not going into details about what kind of things happened as that only makes me think less of people in general and how short sighted they can be).
From my own perspective I would say that how someone is inside is more important than looks, but of course a first impression is important aswell. In my experience I never really cared about looks..even if someone isn’t the prettiest person on earth, has tattoos/piercings etc (just some examples and not meaning to sound bad as I have a tattoo myself and am not pretty) the reason why I start a chat with that person for example is because that person sends out something that intrigues me or said something that made me feel there is a connection (in many different ways)..at least something that makes me want to know more about that person.
So in a way also for me “looks” do matter but not in the actual meaning of “looks”. Hope you can still understand what I am saying. I am doing my best to get my thoughts on paper..but it isn’t easy how to explain it in a way you understand what I am trying to say.
I understand what you say about when you first saw/met George and Joyce and fell in love with them. And that it was something in their looks that made you intrigued and wanting to know them better. And that after spending time together and now being their girlfriend you know them very well and better. (I do understand it correctly I hope..thats why I am repeating it for myself this way)
I think that in every relationship you can have times when you think of your partner as less or more attractive (in all meanings).
However in what way that effects you and if that would be a “normal” thing or not..is something I could not say. Everyone is different and has a different personality so that would make it unable to say whether your feelings and reactions about what you wrote and what has been on your mind lately is normal or not.
The only thing I could advise you is that if it continues to be on your mind a lot..you might consider talking about it with your loved ones. See how they experience things. I think that might be easier than asking yourself if what you are thinking is normal or weird..as for everyone it can be different.
I hope my rambling and thoughts were any help at all..but as I said before sometimes it is hard to put things on paper.
xxx Steph
i spent a lot of time yesterday thinking this over. There's a lot of thoughts whirling through my head and at times they contradict each other but i will try and explain myself as best i can and have to hope you understand my meaning.
When it comes to a physical reaction its undeniable that looks do play a role. I think no matter how unimportant looks are to someone, they would be lying if they said they had never looked at someone and found them attractive. It's in our nature.
It's a difficult topic to discuss sometimes because when someone says appearances matter to them it is easy for people to misunderstand and think of them as shallow when that is not necessarily the case and has the added problem of making the other person start wondering if that means that person is judging them.
I have always been reasonably comfortable with the way i look. I wear the clothes i like and have never felt the need to wear make up. i know some people would look at me and make judgements on whether that was good or bad but i think if someone is going to like me it should be for who i am and not how i look. That's not to say that there aren't things about my appearance i would like to change. there are. One of which i am finally getting help with because its not something i can fix on my own and i know that upon meeting people a lot of them probably do make judgements about me because of it and it is something that worries me when meeting people for the first time. I know that sounds like i am contradicting myself and i guess i am but its how i feel regardless.
I guess what i am trying to say is that for me the way a person dresses should be the way that that person likes best and that its more about feeling good about yourself than about what other people would think looks good.
I guess because of my own feelings of being judged, i try hard not to judge other people until i have got to know them. It doesn't matter to me if someone is a tattoo covered Metaler or Kate Moss if they are a nice friendly person that's all that really concerns me.
I do agree with what you said about body language though, and i think, if i understood correctly, that's what steph was saying as well.
A persons body language can tell you a lot about that person and how they are feeling at the time, if someone is very stand-offish then it makes you feel uncomfortable around them where as if they seem bubbly and open it attracts you to them and makes you want to talk to them.
I hope i am explaining this all ok.
If i not explaining very well please tell me and i will try again.
I guess the basis of what i am trying to say is that looks don't matter to me intellectually but do play a factor in physical attraction to someone on an initial basis.
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