Hello everyone,
today I canceled my Myspace and Hyves account. I was bored with them. I am even thinking of canceling my facebook account, seeing all I do there is play games which really do not have any real life use. They are just a way of spending my time, which I am guessing, I can use better. I will delete all my profile stuff from facebook though, I have a website, message board and this blog and I believe that's enough of me online. All personal other things are just as they are: personal. I am keeping my photobucket accounts and my youtube account as well. But I use them for other purposes than putting myself online. I guess I am still willing to share stuff about myself, but only on places where people know to find me and not just on a random profile site...
The last few days I have been quite down, depressed almost. Things just did nto seem to go as I hoped or wanted to. My reactions were also not always as others expected from me. I am sorry about it, but it's just something I need to deal with.
I hoped the pain would go away sooner, finally allowing me to do things that every 28 year old can do. Finally being able to really live the life I want to live, not being held back by my own body. But it takes way longer than I was ever hoping for or counting on. I want to be able to not feel pain, even if it would be for just one day to start with. The left shoulder pains I wrote about earlier, probably a small tear in my muscle. I need to take it easy, but keep moving and if it isn't over next week, see a doctor about it. So yet another thing that gives me extra troubles.
And I know I should be happy to live with two people who say they love me more than anything. But when stuff happens which makes me wonder, I start thinking of many reasons why things are different. Am I to blame for the recent changes, or is it something or someone else who's to blame? Did I give any reason what so ever to be treated in the way I am now? And you might already know how much I can think about stuff, well I can drive myself insane looking for an answer that I can agree on myself.
For me, some things are really important in normal day life and in any sort of relationship (friends, family or lovers): trust, honesty and being open. I absolutely hate lying and cheating! I could never do anything like that to the people I really care about. I'd rather be honest all the way so my friends, lovers and anyone who might be interacting with me at that moment, know I am telling them the truth, straight from the heart. I will not try to protect anyone's feelings by lying, because in my eyes, the lie makes it even worse. If I can't be honest and open to the people I just mentioned, what is the relationship built upon then? If I can't be honest with them, who can I be honest with then? If I can't share my feelings, thoughts and all with people who I care about (and I hope it's vise versa) then what does that friendship mean? What is it based upon then?
I know that I am always honest, especially to the people I care a lot about. I've lied to George once, but I had to in order to keep the surprise I was planning for him a real surprise... But I have always been honest and always had an explanation to why I felt that way about something. I also hate cheating on one another. I know that when I am cheated upon, even if it seemed just simple and innocent, it will hit me hard! Just because it is one of the things I would and could never do and I do hope that my lovers will treat me in an equal and fair way too. I could never shove my loved ones aside if it would suit me at any moment! Also because I hope they would never treat me in such a way either. It is not polite nor reasonable behavior towards people you love and care about...
Ah well, so I am going crazy with all these questions that go through me and all the silly answers my mind keeps on finding. My nightmares ain't helping a lot either. But 2 out of 3 profile sites are gone, did not visit them anyway, and all on Facebook is just for friends... No outsiders looking in. If you know me, you can find my homepage and then you can see all that I shared with you on this world wide web :)
Much love and hugs,
TTFN Cynni xxx
Posts
Galactus
1 year ago
2 comments:
Hey sweetie!
I am sorry to hear you were so down sniff. It must be so hard not being able to do everything you would like to do and now that pain in your shoulder isn't helping aswell.
I hope you will feel better soon and that you will be able to do all the things you would like to do and that you won't feel so down sniff.
I can understand about deleting your myspace and hyves. Sometimes it feels like people put too much information online about themselves (meant that in general) and well you don't need that to stay in touch with your friends :)
We know where to find you :)
As a lot of people already know and as we both know from each other we are much alike. I don't like lying and cheating and all aswell. I am always honest and that is the best way of having a good relationship with your friends, family and loved ones.
But well didn't need to tell you that I gues.
I just wanted to let you know (but you already know) how happy I am to have you as a dear friend..and our friendship really means a lot to me :)
A big hug and lots of love
Steph xxx
hey cyn
i'm really sorry to hear things are tough for you right now. i really hope they are better soon and that you know i am always here for you if you need a friendly ear.
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