Confused...

I am confused... Quite confused...

As I have written here at the end of last week, I have my boss my 4 weeks (I believe it's 4 weeks) notice. I told him I was offered a new job and after much thinking and discussing it with friends and loved ones I accepted it. He was quite stunned, not that he showed it... But he only told me that he'd think about it and would come back to me about it. Since I told him that I wanted to quit just after noon, it was really a long wait when he only told me around 16:45 that he "rather not" have me quit and we'd talk about it on Monday. I was so stunned because I told him I was quitting and I accepted a new job already.

So WHY a need to think about it? Will he make me an "offer I can't refuse" now that I have told him I want out...? It's a bit too late for that I would think. So many things that have happened that counted up to me wanting to find another job. I never really felt appreciated there. I have been working till 9 days before I was scheduled to get my new hip. Yeah I worked shorter days, but I was there the best I could manage and doing my job. I was taking quite heavy medication and I was told that in that time I did not work hard enough... That I was too slow and all. And I also was told that I was a big cost to the company. Further more other (newer) collegues were offered better positions and some educational things... All things I longd for, told him that I wanted more and had the feeling I could mean more to the company. But it was always noted and never dealt with.

And now I got through 2 interviews and a test and passed them almost with glory and I accepted the job... And now he wants time to think. I guess in one way I would feel a bit honored if he offered me something in tomorrow's talk. But also offended that during the 8 years and 2 months, he dd not do anything and it could only happen because I want a new job.

So I am confused, sad and angry at the same time.
WHY am I bing told my work ain't good/fast enough and I cost too much?
WHY didn't I ever receive a promotion or something educational, which others may receive?
WHY can't he just accept that the way things are going now, I am not happy there anymore?

And last of all:
Why am I feeling almost guilty when all I am doing is thinking of my future and my best interest?

I have been sleeping very little ever since I knew they had offered me the position. I have nice co-workers, some very dear customers who surely mean a lot to me... But I don't feel appreciated and just taken for granted at times by my boss and his brother just hates me. So if I am that slow, expensive and not important enough to be offered an sort of promotion in all those years...WHY say that he'd rather not have me quitting and needing time to think about it??? Why not tell me when I have my last working day and how we will work out my standing vacation time and days and all???

*sighs*

So instead of having one stupid day, last Friday, in which I told him and then we could deal with it all...I have to wait till tomorrow and hopefully he will have it all sorted out by then.
Will write my notice tomorrow evening and hand it over to him on Tuesday. After many tears and talks and doubts I have made up my mind. I want that new job.. Not the old one with slight improvements after such a long time... IF he had offered ANYTHING previous to me working on getting a new job, I might not have gone for it. But now... It's too late...

And I will try to get some sleep... Hopefully... And hopefully tomorrow everything will be sorted out... In a nice and decent way, I also hope...

*sighs*

Sleep well my dear readers!

PS. Due to all the stress of the stuff mentioned above I had no time or energy to work on my story... Hopefully I'll be able to work on it asap.