So much, so little, so...

Things I am looking forward to:
FedCon 20 (www.fedcon.de)
Hallowhedon 3 (http://massiveevents.co.uk/hallowhedon3)

Going to Oberhausen (Centro) next Saturday with my mum and lovers. I am very happy that Joyce got time off on Saturday to join us.
And on December 11th, we will see Harry Potter 7.1 again with lovely friends. Looking forward to that as well. Popcorn fight with Kim! Muwhahaha!
Maybe on December 18th we're going bowling with co-workers/friends... But it's still a plan in progress.

Things that I find hard to face:
Xmas. I am not sure what the plans will be. But I do want to share it with George and Joyce for sure. I am afraid that Joyce's "new found" family will pull on her for one of these days. And I am not sure how it will go. I would be happy to celebrate it just with my two loves. Maybe on the first day, invite my parents for a gourmet and on the second day: out for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants... Sounds good...

Things I would never want to face:
owwww I think it's not the time to think about that one. I would hate to lose a loved one! But I guess all have that fear...

Hmmm dunno why I wanted to write this but I guess I needed to vent it....

Time flies

There are times when I can't stop blogging. And there are times I want to blog but just can't find the time to sit down, relax and type. And of course there are also times when I don't want to blog at all.

I love to write. I love to blog. I love to keep journals. But most of the time, it goes well for a few weeks and then I just don't get to it and in the end it's been months before I go on. But I am glad I always know where my journal is and I also have this site to blog on.

Maybe it's also because I am active on Twitter and Facebook that I don't have enough time to write decent blog posts. But now the winter is setting in a month too early (frakking ☃ freezing here!) and I keep myself warm inside. And then I can grab my laptop, sit down with a nice glass of white sweet wine and type.

So that is what I am doing now. Sitting down and writing.

Many things have happened. Some good, some bad. But I want to focus on the good things. Even though there is a song that goes about ♫ all good things come to an end ♫. But I want to think positive. That can be quite hard for someone like me but still... I am doing my best.

Last month we went to Hallowhedon 2. I had a great time, hanging 'round with my girl and meeting up with so many other dear friends there. I would love to post the group picture, but Joyce still has it so I need to grab it so I can scan it. I will try to show it to you all soon! The guests were awesome. I really enjoyed myself very much! So much, that I got up early and went to the main hall on Sunday morning to grab the first gold tickets. And I succeeded! But when I needed to pee and neither Joyce nor Yvonne was around, I was in trouble. If I would go to pee and someone else would be coming in, I would lose the first spot. And I wasn't about to let that happen...
But I succeeded and I got Gold 1, Joyce has Gold 2 and Yvonne got number 3.



Joyce and myself with Anthony Stewart Head.



Me and Stephanie Romanov. GOOD hugger!



Jewel Staite... Lovely...



Alan Tudyk... Crazy!



Robin Sachs... Delightful, witty and wicked!

So well, this is my first post in a while and I hope to come back more often. Hope you liked it ☺

Bruce's first time swimming!

Hello everyone!

On September 5th, Chance took her friend Bruce for a swim. Bruce is 7 months (or maybe even 8 already) and never been swimming. Well, Chance has been swimming since she was 10 or 11 weeks, so she might be a good teacher, or so we thought. And we were right!

We, Joyce and myself, made some video's with Joyce's digital photo camera. I made a small movie of all these shots. I included a song which I have no copyrights on! These all belong to Ilse DeLange and her record company. I do hope they won't mind (well, they did on YouTube but now I put the original file up on FaceBook..) that I share this all with you. The song is called "Follow" and that is exactly what Bruce's doing: following Chance.

Enjoy this video! Feel free to comment ;-)

OK here I go

I know it's been quite a while and there are, of course, many reasons and some excuses for me not blogging in such a long time. I have blogged though, but on another site under another (anonymous) name.
As I have mentioned, I have some issues that are hard. I needed a place to vent, to write whatever I felt like writing. But I thought this was not the place for such writing. So I went to another blog site and typed my fingers off (when my mood was like it). But even on that blog site, I have had periods of quiet, empty space. At times I had such big headaches that my eyes could not stand the light of my pc screen. And believe me, I always use dimmed screens, otherwise I would not be able to use the pc and/or laptop at all. My eyesight is very good but my eyes are in need on sunglasses very quickly.And at other times, my mood was like heavy thunder and lightning, so not in the writing/sharing mood at all.

But I am trying to make amends, I am trying to get back to my own blog. Of course I will also try to blog every now and then on my anonymous one. It keeps me busy *wink*.

So after several months of unemployment, I now am working again. Not (yet) full-time, but hopefully that will happen soon. It's something totally different from what I used to do. But it is very satisfying to be able to work again! I am working as an order picker and packer in a huge warehouse. Everything that is connected to pc's is handled there. I started out by picking orders, which was a whole LOT of walking and at times, quite heavy lifting. Now I am learning to pack up orders. It is a little less fun from the picking, because you have less social contact with your colleges, but it is said that when you are a god packer, you might be able to make more hours. And of course, that sounds very good to me! So well, I am doing the best I can and hope that it's enough for a full-time job.
The only bad, well not really bad though, thing is, that you start working in the afternoon and most of the time it's 22:00 or later before you get home. So no hot meals with loved ones during dinner time. No TV-shows that are aired during prime time (so happy most of the shows I follow will be released to DVD). Ah well, I am working, and that is the good part! think positive!

It's getting late and I am getting tired so I guess I will leave this post as it is now, grateful for finally posting again after such a long time.

Ta-ta for now dears!

Holiday time in Austria

Howdy folks!

Yes I am still alive. I know it's been ages... That is why I am posting a video here about my recent holiday in the Steiermark, Austria. The video is linked through my Facebook account.

I will TRY to come back here more often, no promises can be made though...

Thanks for checking! Have a nice day y'all!

Busy

Hellow folks,

I felt it was time to explain a few things, mainly, the biggest reason for my lack of posts here lately. things haven't been going all too well with me the last couple of months and I didn't feel like blogging about it on a site where people "know" me. I have found a place where I can talk about my troubles, anonymously, and I am also seeking professional help.

I am working on getting better, which I try to remain positive about.

Last night I enjoyed a GREAT K's Choice concert in Vredenburg, Utrecht. It was really awesome and amazing. We were standing front row, in between Sarah and Gert. The atmosphere was really good and I enjoyed every second of it!

Now I am packing because tomorrow, Joyce and I will travel to Bonn, Germany. There we will attend FedCon 19! Whoop whoop! If we have internet in our room, I will do my best to share some pictures and stories during the event.

Again, sorry for the lack of posts lately. I'd wish things would be different...

Thanks for your interest!

It's been a long, long time...

Heya folks,

I know it's been a while. There are many reasons, which I am not going to share with all of you here online (if you know me and are interested, you know how to reach me). But (again) people pointed out that my blog had not been updated in ages. So here I am again and thinking about what to share today. I would like to apologize for stupid writing mistakes which may be in this text. My cellphone does not spellcheck and at times, it also misses letters that I have typed. Sometimes I catch the missing ones and other times...not. And seeing (unfortunately) English is not my main language, I will use some "easier" words more often since I can't always come up with the better, more suiting words. I hope you don't mind... Thanks!

A thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is jealousy. Everyone has some of it in them, for many and no reasons at all. And I have been thinking about me, myself and I. If I think I am jealous and if so, in what context am I jealous and how did I come to be jealous. And what goes on inside of me when I have these feelings. Jealousy makes me feel diferent emotions at the time I am experiencing it. It depends on the situation and people involved. But most of the time I feel anger and betrayal. Have I always been jealous or did something (or things) improve those feelings, these emotions?

My jealousy comes from my uncertainty. And that comes from my trouble in trusting people. And that all starts in my childhood, since I was used one time too many, or two. Now it really takes me a lot of time till I really know someone and when I feel more at ease with him/her, then I can work on trust and a deeper friendship. A friendship in which I can share my personal feelings and thoughts without having to worry that this will fall in the hands of "wrong" people. That is, people I don't know (or even don't want/need to know) or know too well. People who will judge on hearsay instead of the real "story" behind it all.

So, this all "said", I can easily say I have just a few friends who I really trust with all I am. I have many friends who do know me, but not all of me. And these friends I treasure because they are not easy to find and when you have such friends, you need to guard them with your life.
I know my "secrets" are safe with them and they won't judge me on small stuff but on the whole package.

And then there are the good friends which became even closer friends: my lovers. I know that in the heat of the moment, things can be said which are too harsh and aweful. But those things can be patched up, if both sides are willing to. But the stuff I experience with them, sexual or simple stuff that happens at home, I want to be private. As it happens in a private enviroment. Yes, my best friends will know stuff that had happened when I need to let it all out. But the ones I share it with all know my loved ones and won't use it against them (or me). The ones I share it with respect me and my lovers and know us.
I was wondering if it was silly of me to ask of them to keep our private stuff just as it is: private. And if they needed to unwind, I gave them some names of friends who I felt "safe" with.
But it all seems too hard, too difficult or too silly...

Ah well, this is all I am willing to share to give some insight into the whole jealousy thing.

I've never been too jealous till I got fooled by someone I love(d). I found out got lied to, and I found out what the real story was. It hurt. Cut deep. Tearjerker and all. Still can feel sh*t about it at times. And I guess that's my trigger for my jealousy. And it also gave a huge dent into the faith I had in the honesty of people, especially people who stand close to you.

So if I am lied to and I find out about it, I get angry and my jealousy will stick it's little head up once again. Since I want to know why I was being lied to. What made that person think I would be happier with lies instead of the truth? Why did that person think I wasn't "truth material"? And all these questions make me insecure about myself, about the relationships I have and about the person who lied to me.

I am really looking for people who'd like to discuss this all with me, here (for those who juust stumbled on this blogpost) or by e-mail (for those who know me). Since I'd like to know how others deal with stuff like this. How others would react in the same situation? What are your views on this?

Well, I am doing quite OK I just feel a it down every now and then due to "issues" like this.
Thanks for your time and maybe also thanks for your comments =)

Take care everyone, cherish the friends and people you love and care about!

I believe…

You all know I am active on Facebook. Several great writers and actors as well as many good friends are on there too. Anne Rice, a very famous writer, is busy on research for her new books. Her old books dealt with vampires, the new ones deal with belief and religion. And she uses the internet a lot to check out people’s views on things. One of her questions got me thinking (ow ow Anne, what did you do???).

The following is what I know, how I experienced it. I haven’t done any research before writing this blog. I did put a lot of links in it to files at www.wikipedia.org. So if anyone wishes to know more about a topic, just click on the link.
I don’t mean anyone any harm! I know that religion can be a delicate thing for people and it is not my intention to look down on any religion. Everyone is in my opinion free to believe in what makes them happy. As long as no one pushes his/her religion to others. In many religions, as far as I know, is one of the main “rules” to harm no other living being. That’s what I believe in: believe what you wish but harm no one with it.

I have been raised as a Christian. I’ve been baptized, did the first communion and went to a Christian school. But after a while, more religious views were coming to the Netherlands. Of course, in the 70’s already many people from Turkey came to live in the Netherlands. And later on, many people from Morocco immigrated to the Netherlands. All the people that came to live in our country took their own religions with them. In the Netherlands, the main religions were Roman Catholicism and Protestantism. There were also people who survived World War 2 and stayed in the Netherlands after we were freed from the Nazi’s. These people were Jewish. So that was yet another religious believe that people in the Netherlands had. So the Catholics,Protestants and Jews followed the Bible in their own way, the Muslims followed the Qur’an.

As long as there has been religion, there have been religious wars. And that is one of the things I dislike about it. I know the Bible has a Golden Rule which works in two ways. It exists in both positive (generally structured in the form of "do to others what you would like to be done to you") and negative form (structured in the form of "do not do to others what you would not like to be done to you"). While similar, these forms are not strictly the same; they differ in what to do with what you would like to be done to you and the other party would not like to be done upon it. The negative form, known as the Silver Rule does directly not contain this while the positive form can exclude it indirectly with that you would like from others to check if you really like it, which is an example of using the golden rule in a context which makes it self-correcting, as argued in the criticisms section. This Golden Rule is also seen in other religions, though under another name and said with other words. In the Jewish Talmud this can be found: “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.” This is a quote from Hillel. These are just some things I have found using the wikipedia site. Of course, if you believe in a religion, I guess you already know how the “Golden Rule” implies to your religion and faith.

And in my opinion everyone is entitled to their believe, faith and religion. But WHY do people still have to fight? There have been reports on-line and in newspapers and you can also hear it when you talk with friends: many times a fight/war is based on religion. But why can’t people see Jesus and Allah as one and the same person. When you read the Bible or the Qur’an, it comes down to people believing in one “leader” of their faith and their followers. I have no problems with people who believe in any of the believes and follow their “rules”. But how come that people sometimes claim their wrong behavior, often dealing with pain or even death inflicting incidents, to their faith? Since their faith tells them that they are not allowed to hurt themselves nor others… If people think they should fight for their believe, I don’t think the best way is to fight with their hands and weapons. Since the faith doesn’t allow any violence… Or did I misunderstand it?

I believe there must be someone or something that makes the world go round. But I don’t really believe in giving him/her/it a name. I hope that others will let me live my life as I am with my belief and I will let others live with their own chosen religion. Don’t try to force any religion on me and I won’t interfere with theirs. Seems like a simple but good plan, right?

Let me know what you think. And again, no offence to any religion at all! If your religion/belief makes you happy, I am happy for you!

Well, that’s it for now folks!