Awake way too early…

Hello everyone,

this is an early morning blogpost. Normally, my alarm allows me to sleep till 6:20 am. But I have been awake a big part of the night and when my tummy needed a toilet brake around 5:50, I decided to get up. I am feeling quite nervous, anxious and maybe a bit scared. I know it is a normal conversation to have and it’s a risk you carry when having a company, that people may one day quit. but I am not sure if he saw this coming and in a way, I’m afraid I will hurt his feelings. I think that is what my feelings are truly about and why I am sleeping to lousy. I am afraid to disappoint my boss. Getting the feeling that I am letting him down. While it’s actually him that let me down by giving others the means of exploring themselves by giving them more responsibilities. By not allowing me some more access and involvement in daily things that are happening in the store.

So see, it wasn’t all totally useless that I have been laying awake for such a long time. I finally figured myself and my feelings out. I am scared that I will disappoint him instead of being able to be happy for myself for starting a new and more responsible job soon. Maybe I’m a bit scared too that the new job might be too much to handle for me. But I also know that I’ve got a lot of potential that isn’t being “taken advantage of” at my current position.

It’s just such a double feeling, as we say in the Netherlands. It’s like I have this big, old fashioned two-way scale in front of me and even though I have made my decision about taking the new job, I am still measuring all the odds and evens. I guess that is my insecure part deep inside of me, that’s taking over.

Ah well, I will go get dressed and feed the dogs. And be nervous… I keep telling myself that it’ll be OK. But I guess I won’t be able to believe that for myself until the day is over…

*sighs*

Cynni

The hardest thing...

Hello everyone,

tomorrow will be the day when I have to go and talk to my boss. I have to tell him that I will be leaving his company after working there for 8 years ans 2 months. I've been offered a new job at another supermarket chain and I have accepted. I have talked a lot about it with friends and family and I do like the place I am working now. But it will get me no where. I am doing the same things I have been doing for over 6 years now and I think I can accomplish just a bit more than that.
On several occasions I have informed my boss about it. But nothing has been done with it.

I love to work with my co-workers. We have fun and we know we can count on each other. I have many good contacts with several customers and I will really, really miss that all. I will miss catching up with everyone, watching kids grow up and doing what I know I can. But I would like to see myself doing just a wee bit more than that when I look at myself in something like 10 years or so. That is why I took the offer. With this supermarket chain I can get more opportunities to grow and develop myself, sort to speak.

But it still freaks me out knowing I have to deliver my boss this news tomorrow. I feel like I am going to do something really, really bad. But all I am doing is choosing for myself and to start a new career. I know I am an @$$ complaining that I got offered a more advanced job... But I just wish I had gotten this chance at my present company. So I would not have to say goodbye to all of my co-workers and friends. It truly makes me sad to think about having to miss them all... And it freaks me out knowing I will be the newby at my new job. Doing something I have never done before and really hoping I will be able to do it all. Though it really feels good knowing that people think me capable of stuff that I have never been allowed to do before at my present job...

So all in all, it is hard in many ways. I hope my boss will understand and be nice/reasonable/good about it. I have not been able to sleep OK in the last week, laying awake thinking about all the scenarios and everything that can go wrong. I even picture me crying...

Ah well... Please everyone, keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow... I will be back about this topic for sure...

Nervous huggies,
Cynni xx